And Even If;

Y'all. its been a while. Holy cow.

I was talking with a friend this morning about life and this waiting game

of a season that the Lord has me in right now.

Waiting for graduation, waiting to know what the rest of my life is going

to look like, waiting on contract updates and internship approvals, waiting on

interviews, Creation studies to END (forever and ever amen),

leases to run out, May to arrive and my next chapter to begin.

The whole while I was sitting there discussing the frustration

yet Hope that I had in this season I just kept replaying the lyrics

to one of my favorite songs

"Take courage my heart, stay steadfast my soul

He's IN the waiting"

He's there friends. He's with you. He's fighting for you, with you.

Look next to you, allow yourself to sense His presence

as He runs this race right beside you, pushing you on until

the very end.

Who am I to rush this season the Lord has purposed in my life for

good reason? Who am I to rush what He has intentionally set before me?

Why is it that we so often try to tweak and perfect the Lords plans,

as if we know better? Like what we want, is somehow better

than what the Creator of the Universe wants for our lives?

This year so far has been a WHIRLwind.

to say the least..

and right there in the middle of our little catch-up session my friend

said to me "If you are stressed and feeling the weight of this season, Austyn-

You are NOT trusting, because the Lord has already been entrusted to carry those burdens for you."

Ouch.
I suddenly felt like the guy in the story another friend told me once

who was hiking up the mountain carrying a pebble and He had helped

all these people along the way, each time picking up their pebbles to help them

get to the top. He got to the top of the mountain and said; "Jesus why would

you give me this much to carry, it is too heavy and I cannot handle this"

and Jesus replied; "I only gave you one pebble son, the rest were not yours to carry"

How many of us are picking up too many pebbles that aren't ours to carry?

This season has been so chaotic. The Lord has been SO faithful.

He has answered prayers I have prayed from the depths of my heart for

YEARS.

It has been incredible and I love love love watching Him work,

but part of celebrating His faithfulness is recognizing that I have

to be obedient in what I, Austyn, am called to. I am not responsible for

carrying everyone else's pebbles. I am not responsible for anyone else's

happiness, affirmation, or success. Taking these pebbles upon my back

is not what Jesus has asked me to do. He has asked me to deny myself, take

up my cross and follow Him. 

And ya know what friends?

There is SUCH freedom in this.

It is indescribable how much more Joy I have found when I can

love others where they are at without trying to help them out

of this season the Lord has them in, trying to fix their problems

for them, and trying to be the hero.

We have a hero, His name is Jesus.

We are called to love one another, not save one another.

and you know what?

Sometimes, that means things dont go the way you want.

You won't always get the job you want, the internship, the promotion,

the apartment, the answered prayer when you want it.

But let me tell you a secret I have learned to take to heart in this season

of constant no's and puzzle pieces falling out of place when 

all I long for is for all my ducks to be straight in a stinkin row.

Even if not, He is STILL good. 

If the job you wanted, the one that pays more, the one that has better hours

the one thats closer to your house or works better for your schedule,

isnt the one you get, or maybe you dont get a job at all.

He is still good.

If that internship you really want doesn't choose you, or their

values don't align with yours, their schedule doesn't work, they can't

accommodate you, contracts get in the way and it doesn't work out.

He is still good.

If your summer plans hit the fan and suddenly you're left with a lease

thats ending, no job, and no roommates.

He is still good.

If your boyfriend decides this relationship isn't working for him anymore.

He is still good.

If after 25 years your parents decide that their marriage isn't

what it used to be and they need a step back, or maybe a divorce.

He is still so so so good.

So in this season where I thought I knew what Jesus wanted for me,

I had it all picked out from where I'd live to where I'd work to where I'd intern with who,

wearing what (no really, im not kidding. where are my OCD peeps at?!)

Jesus had other plans for this control freak.

and he has closed doors, and opened doors. Allowed friends to walk out of my life,

allowed me to walk out of the lives of some people i treasured dearly, and brought 

INCREDIBLE new friends/ community into my life. 

He has allowed me to walk away from my church home of years, 

and walk into an amazing new church community that has embraced

me just as the church should, in a time where I needed 

reassurance and community more than ever before.

 in May, ill return home to NC, to live with my parents 

(something I said I'd never do. Never say never, Jesus takes that as a challenge accepted ;)

while working a regular job, doing an internship in the fall at an agency 

I never thought in a million years I'd even have the opportunity to be considered,

living in a city I swore I'd never call home again.

all these things, none of which I saw coming- have been blessings in disguise.

Because even when my desires were not in the books, His were.

And you know what?

He is still good, and I will praise Him.

Drop those extra pebbles today, friends.

Praise him in the waiting. 

Better things are in store, and this season despite how draining,

frustrating, hopeless and exhausting it may feel.

It has purpose, savor it while you can- soon it will be a thing of the past.

He is making ALL things new.

Much love,

Austyn